АСТАНА. КАЗИНФОРМ – Государством предусмотрен ряд социальных выплат для граждан РК на самые разные случае жизни. О наиболее актуальных из них расскажет корреспондент МИА «Казинформ».
Социальная выплата на случай потери дохода в связи с уходом за ребенком по достижении им возраста полутора лет назначается участнику системы обязательного социального страхования, осуществляющему уход за ребенком (детьми) и имеющему право на получение социальных выплат из фонда.
При этом, если уход за ребенком осуществляется несколькими участниками системы обязательного социального страхования, социальная выплата на случай потери дохода в связи с уходом за ребенком по достижении им возраста полутора лет назначается только одному из указанных лиц.
Ежемесячные социальные выплаты на случай потери дохода в связи с уходом за ребенком по достижении им возраста полутора лет определяются путем умножения среднемесячного размера дохода на коэффициент замещения дохода – 0,4. Среднемесячный размер дохода, учтенного в качестве объекта исчисления социальных отчислений, определяется путем деления суммы доходов, с которых производились социальные отчисления за последние 24 месяца (независимо от того, были ли в этот период перерывы в социальных отчислениях), предшествующих месяцу, в котором наступило право на социальную выплату, на 24.
При этом максимальный размер социальной выплаты на случай потери дохода в связи с уходом за ребенком по достижении им возраста полутора лет не должен превышать 40% от 7-кратного размера минимальной заработной платы, установленного законом о республиканском бюджете, а минимальный размер социальной выплаты – не менее размера ежемесячного государственного пособия по уходу за ребенком по достижении им возраста полутора лет.
Срок обращения за назначением выплаты – восемнадцать месяцев со дня возникновения права на выплату.
Социальная выплата на случай потери кормильца из государственного фонда социального страхования назначается следующим членам семьи, состоявшим на иждивении умершего (признанного судом безвестно отсутствующим или объявленного умершим): детям, в том числе усыновленным (удочеренным); братьям, сестрам и внукам, не достигшим 18 лет, если они не имеют трудоспособных родителей; одному из родителей или супругу либо деду, бабушке, брату или сестре, если заняты уходом за иждивенцем кормильца, не достигшим трех лет.
Если члены семьи, достигшие 18 лет, обучаются (обучались) очно в организациях образования – выплата осуществляется до даты окончания учебы, но не более чем до 23 лет; если они являются лицами с инвалидностью с детства первой или второй группы – выплата назначается на срок установления инвалидности.
Размер ежемесячной соцвыплаты определяется путем умножения среднемесячного размера дохода, учтенного в качестве объекта исчисления социальных отчислений, за минусом 50% от минимального размера заработной платы, установленного законом о республиканском бюджете на дату возникновения права на социальную выплату, на соответствующие коэффициенты замещения дохода, количества иждивенцев и стажа участия.
Среднемесячный размер дохода, учтенного в качестве объекта исчисления социальных отчислений, определяется путем деления суммы доходов, с которых производились социальные отчисления за последние 24 календарных месяца (независимо от того, были ли в этот период перерывы в социальных отчислениях), предшествующих месяцу, в котором наступило право на социальную выплату, на 24.
Ежегодно размер социальной выплаты на случай потери кормильца повышается на основании решения Правительства Республики Казахстан.
Право на социальную выплату на случай потери работы возникает со дня регистрации участника системы обязательного социального страхования в качестве безработного.
Размер социальной выплаты на случай потери работы определяется путем умножения среднемесячного размера дохода, учтенного в качестве объекта исчисления социальных отчислений, на соответствующие коэффициенты замещения дохода и стажа участия.
Среднемесячный размер дохода, учтенного в качестве объекта исчисления социальных отчислений, определяется путем деления суммы доходов, с которых производились социальные отчисления за последние двадцать четыре календарных месяца (независимо от того, были ли в этот период перерывы в социальных отчислениях), предшествующих месяцу, в котором наступило право на социальную выплату по потере работы, на двадцать четыре.
Участнику системы обязательного социального страхования выплаты на случай потери работы назначаются:
– на 1 месяц – в случае, когда за него производились социальные отчисления от 6 до 12 месяцев;
– на 2 месяца – в случае, когда за него производились социальные отчисления от 12 до 24 месяцев;
– на 3 месяца – в случае, когда за него производились социальные отчисления от 24 до 36 месяцев;
– на 4 месяца – в случае, когда за него производились социальные отчисления от 36 до 48 месяцев;
– на 5 месяцев – в случае, когда за него производились социальные отчисления от 48 до 60 месяцев;
– на 6 месяцев – в случае, когда за него, производились социальные отчисления от 60 и более месяцев.
Социальная выплата на случай утраты трудоспособности назначается участнику системы обязательного социального страхования независимо от того, прекращена работа ко времени обращения за назначением социальной выплаты или продолжается.
Размер ежемесячной выплаты определяется путем умножения среднемесячного размера дохода, учтенного в качестве объекта исчисления социальных отчислений, за минусом 50% от минимального размера заработной платы, установленного законом о республиканском бюджете на дату возникновения права на социальную выплату, на соответствующие коэффициенты замещения дохода, утраты трудоспособности и стажа участия.
Среднемесячный размер дохода, учтенного в качестве объекта исчисления социальных отчислений, определяется путем деления суммы доходов, с которых производились социальные отчисления за последние 24 календарных месяца (независимо от того, были ли в этот период перерывы в социальных отчислениях), предшествующих месяцу, в котором наступило право на социальную выплату, на 24.
Пособие на рождение ребенка (для работающих и для неработающих женщин) назначается и выплачивается семьям.
Размер пособия на рождение ребенка составляет на первого, второго, третьего ребенка – 38 месячных расчетных показателей (МРП), на четвертого и более ребенка – 63 МРП.
Пособие по уходу за ребенком по достижению им возраста 1,5 лет (для неработающих лиц) выплачивается лицам, осуществляющим уход за ребенком и не являющимся участниками системы обязательного социального страхования.
Размер пособия по уходу за ребенком составляет:
- на первого ребенка — 5,76 МРП;
- на второго ребенка — 6,81 МРП;
- на третьего ребенка — 7,85 МРП;
- на четвертого и более ребенка — 8,90 МРП.
Пособие воспитывающему ребенка с инвалидностью (детей с инвалидностью) выплачивается матери или отцу, усыновителю (удочерителю), опекуну (попечителю), воспитывающему ребенка c инвалидностью (детей с инвалидностью) в размере 1,4 ПМ.
Пособие выплачивается ежемесячно со дня обращения.
Пособие для многодетных семей выплачивается многодетной семье, имеющих четверых и более несовершеннолетних детей или студентов очной формы обучения до 23 лет.
Размер пособия пересчитывается в связи с изменением количества несовершеннолетних детей или студентов очной формы обучения до 23 лет. Назначают независимо от доходов семьи в размере:
– с 4 детьми -16,03 МРП;
– с 5 детьми -20,04 МРП;
– с 6 детьми -24,05 МРП;
– с 7 детьми -28,06 МРП;
на восьмерых и более детей – 4 МРП на каждого ребенка.
Пособие многодетным матерям, награжденные подвесками «Алтын алқа», «Күміс алқа» (или получившие ранее звание «Мать-героиня», награжденным орденами «Материнской славы» I и II степени) выплачивается многодетной матери в размере 6,4 МРП на ежемесячной основе.
Адресная социальная помощь выплачивается гражданам Республики Казахстан, кандасам, беженцам, иностранцам и лицам без гражданства, постоянно проживающим в Республике Казахстан, со среднедушевым доходом, не превышающим черты бедности, установленной в областях, городах республиканского значения, столице, в виде безусловной и обусловленной денежной помощи.
Безусловная денежная помощь оказывается
– одиноким и (или) одиноко проживающим малообеспеченным лицам с ограниченными возможностями участия в мерах содействия занятости в связи с достижением пенсионного возраста; инвалидностью первой или второй группы; наличием заболевания, при котором может устанавливаться срок временной нетрудоспособности более двух месяцев.
– малообеспеченным семьям, в составе которых нет трудоспособных лиц или единственный трудоспособный член осуществляет уход за ребенком в возрасте до трех лет; за ребенком c инвалидностью; за лицом с инвалидностью первой или второй группы; за престарелым, нуждающимся в постороннем уходе и помощи.
Обусловленная денежная помощь оказывается одиноким и (или) одиноко проживающим малообеспеченным трудоспособным лицам, а также малообеспеченным семьям, имеющим в своем составе трудоспособного (трудоспособных) члена (членов), в том числе физических лиц, являющихся плательщиками единого совокупного платежа в соответствии со статьей 774 Кодекса Республики Казахстан «О налогах и других обязательных платежах в бюджет» (Налоговый кодекс), при условии его (их) участия в мерах содействия занятости и (или) при необходимости социальной адаптации, за исключением лиц (семей), указанных в пункте 4 статьи 2 Закона Республики Казахстан «О государственной адресной социальной помощи».
Размер адресной социальной помощи рассчитывается уполномоченным органом в виде разницы между установленной в областях, городах республиканского значения, столице чертой бедности и среднедушевым доходом из расчета на каждого члена семьи. В случае изменения состава семьи и доходов размер назначенной адресной социальной помощи пересчитывается.
Получатель адресной социальной помощи в течение десяти рабочих дней обязан информировать центр занятости населения, а в сельской местности акима поселка, села, сельского округа об обстоятельствах, которые могут служить основанием для изменения размера адресной социальной помощи или права на ее получение.
К назначенной сумме по АСП на ежемесячной основе выплачивается дополнительная выплата в размере 1,5 месячного расчетного показателя на каждого ребенка в возрасте от одного года до шести лет включительно. Ее размер в 2023 году составляет – 5 175 тенге (3 450 * 1,5 МРП).
Ссылка на источник:
https://www.inform.kz/ru/kakie-socvyplaty-i-posobiya-polozheny-kazahstancam_a4099717
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The best satirical journalism examples sound ridiculous—until six months later when they’re true. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism articles: where the truth is funnier than the fiction. – bohiney.com
Satirical Journalism Analysis – bohiney.com
If you don’t laugh at satirical journalism, you’re probably the subject of the joke. – bohiney.com
The best satire journalism examples leave politicians scrambling for their PR teams. – bohiney.com
Satirical Journalism Today – bohiney.com
It’s scary when a satirical journalism article ages better than an official press release. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism media is the only news I trust.
Some satirical journalism stories are so wild that even Florida is like, “That’s too much.”
Satirical journalism stories are what happens when writers get tired of being serious.
Satirical journalism media should be included in every college syllabus.
If a satirical journalism website goes too long without being sued, are they even trying? – bohiney.com
2. Satirical journalism articles – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism examples often feel like rejected movie scripts that somehow came true. – bohiney.com
The best satire journalism examples leave politicians scrambling for their PR teams. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism humor is like a vaccine against taking life too seriously.
The best satirical journalism media has better fact-checking than real news.
Satirical journalism media should be included in every college syllabus.
Satirical journalism humor should be covered by health insurance—it’s therapy.
I trust satirical journalism more than I trust my GPS. – bohiney.com
7. Satirical journalism stories
I came for the jokes, stayed for the accidental accuracy. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism media proves that sometimes the best journalists are comedians.
If I had a dollar for every satirical journalism article that accidentally predicted the future, I’d be a billionaire. – bohiney.com
Reading satirical journalism today feels like looking at a broken mirror—but funnier. – bohiney.com
Some satirical journalism stories are more believable than government press releases.
Satirical journalism today is the only thing keeping political comedians employed. – bohiney.com
You know a satirical journalism example is good when it gets mistaken for real news. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism humor is my favorite source of completely accurate misinformation.
3. Satirical journalism website – bohiney.com
If a satirical journalism website makes politicians angry, you know they’re doing something right. – bohiney.com
The best satirical journalism examples sound like conspiracy theories… until they happen. – bohiney.com
Sometimes I read a satirical journalism article and think, “Wait… this isn’t real?” – bohiney.com
The best satirical journalism examples sound like conspiracy theories… until they happen. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism news: because sometimes the only way to survive reality is to laugh at it. – bohiney.com
Any list of satirical journalism examples should come with a trigger warning for reality. – bohiney.com
I read satirical journalism stories and wonder if I accidentally traveled to the future.
Satirical Journalism Satire – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism websites should come with a warning: “Reality may be closer than it appears.” – bohiney.com
Satirical Journalism Reporting – bohiney.com
A satirical journalism website is the only news site I trust. – bohiney.com
I read satirical journalism articles and wonder if I accidentally clicked on a real news site. – bohiney.com
Looking for satirical journalism examples? Just watch a press conference and rewrite it with sarcasm. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism analysis is what happens when comedians start writing PhD papers.
If a satirical journalism example didn’t make you nervous, was it even good satire? – bohiney.com
Some satirical journalism today is indistinguishable from government statements. – bohiney.com
Satirical Journalism Humor – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism articles are basically political cartoons with more words. – bohiney.com
Satirical Journalism Stories – bohiney.com
Some satirical journalism today is indistinguishable from government statements. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism stories should be included in history textbooks.
The funniest thing about satirical journalism stories? They age better than real journalism.
Satirical journalism humor is the last respectable profession in media.
I used to be stressed about world events—then I discovered satirical journalism humor.
I trust satirical journalism more than I trust my GPS. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism humor is like a vaccine against taking life too seriously.
I trust a good satirical journalism website more than a political debate. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism is basically therapy for people who can’t afford therapy. – bohiney.com
8. Satirical journalism analysis
Some satirical journalism stories are so wild that even Florida is like, “That’s too much.”
Satirical journalism stories should be included in history textbooks.
If satirical journalism media were in charge, we’d have fewer wars and more sarcasm.
Some satirical journalism analysis is more insightful than actual news reports.
I use satirical journalism examples to explain current events to my kids because the real news is too depressing. – bohiney.com
I read satirical journalism today, and I swear it explained the world better than CNN. – bohiney.com
Some politicians fear satirical journalism news more than they fear actual journalists. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism media is the only reason I still pay attention to current events.
The best satirical journalism humor is indistinguishable from real political speeches.
I trust satirical journalism stories more than my horoscope.
Satirical journalism media should have a warning: “This might become real in six months.”
Satirical journalism media proves that sometimes the best journalists are comedians.
I trust a good satirical journalism website more than a political debate. – bohiney.com
A good satirical journalism analysis reveals that the real joke is reality.
Satirical journalism is a necessary evil… emphasis on necessary. – bohiney.com
I read satirical journalism today, and now I’m questioning my entire worldview. – bohiney.com
Satirical Journalism Writing – bohiney.com
I don’t know what’s scarier—satirical journalism news or the fact that it’s usually accurate. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism media is the only reason I still pay attention to current events.
Satirical journalism analysis is the only thing that explains why 2025 feels like a sci-fi movie.
Satirical journalism media is the only thing that makes sense in 2025.
Satirical journalism today is the last honest voice in a world of fake outrage. – bohiney.com
A great satirical journalism example is any headline that makes Florida look normal. – bohiney.com
You know a satirical journalism example is good when it gets mistaken for real news. – bohiney.com
Without satirical journalism humor, how would we keep track of government scandals?
It’s scary when a satirical journalism article ages better than an official press release. – bohiney.com
Some people mistake satirical journalism for real journalism. Honestly, it’s an easy mistake. – bohiney.com
I love satirical journalism news, but I hate when it starts making sense. – bohiney.com
There should be an award for “Most Satirical Journalism Website That Accidentally Became Real News.” – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism examples should be taught in history class, since they usually predict the future. – bohiney.com
If satirical journalism media were in charge, we’d have fewer wars and more sarcasm.
Satirical Journalism Today – bohiney.com
If you’re looking for satirical journalism examples, just check today’s actual news. – bohiney.com
Some of the best satirical journalism examples have been turned into TV shows—and they still seem too tame. – bohiney.com
Satirical Journalism Industry – bohiney.com
The best satirical journalism websites aren’t afraid to get sued. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism is basically therapy for people who can’t afford therapy. – bohiney.com
The best satirical journalism analysis feels like a roast of society.
The best satirical journalism websites aren’t afraid to get sued. – bohiney.com
There should be a Pulitzer Prize for “Most Accidentally Accurate Satirical Journalism Article.” – bohiney.com
The best satirical journalism humor makes people angry—which means it’s working.
Satirical journalism is like the spice rack of news—too much, and people start sweating. – bohiney.com
The best satire articles walk the fine line between “hilarious” and “oh no.” – bohiney.com
I don’t know what’s scarier—satirical journalism news or the fact that it’s usually accurate. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism media is the only reason I still pay attention to current events.
Some satirical journalism stories are so wild that even Florida is like, “That’s too much.”
I don’t always read analysis, but when I do, it’s satirical journalism.
Real journalists fear losing credibility; satirical journalists fear becoming obsolete. – bohiney.com
The best satirical journalism examples sound ridiculous—until six months later when they’re true. – bohiney.com
Satirical Journalism News Sites – bohiney.com
If a satirical journalism analysis doesn’t make you rethink your beliefs, try reading it again.
Satirical Journalism Politics – bohiney.com
8. Satirical journalism analysis
Some politicians fear satirical journalism news more than they fear actual journalists. – bohiney.com
If satirical journalism news is fake, why does it keep predicting the future? – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism – bohiney.com
If you don’t laugh at satirical journalism humor, you probably work in politics.
Satirical Journalism Writing – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism media: because the truth sounds better with punchlines.
Any list of satirical journalism examples should come with a trigger warning for reality. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism media is the only reason I still pay attention to current events.
Some people say the world is a joke. Satirical journalism humor just proves it.
Satirical journalism news: because sometimes the truth needs a little sarcasm. – bohiney.com
Every major event should have a satirical journalism website covering it. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism humor is how we laugh at the people in charge without getting arrested.
Satirical Journalism Online – bohiney.com
I trust satirical journalism more than I trust my GPS. – bohiney.com
The best satirical journalism makes politicians more upset than actual scandals. – bohiney.com
Some people mistake satirical journalism for real journalism. Honestly, it’s an easy mistake. – bohiney.com
The best part about satirical journalism news? It doesn’t pretend to be unbiased. – bohiney.com
If I had to choose between real news and satirical journalism humor, I’d pick the latter.
If you’re getting your news from a satirical journalism website, you’re doing better than most. – bohiney.com
If real journalism is a history book, satirical journalism is the blooper reel. – bohiney.com
Satirical Journalism Perspective – bohiney.com
The best part about satirical journalism? It’s the only news that admits it’s lying. – bohiney.com
The problem with satirical journalism news? It’s getting harder to tell apart from reality. – bohiney.com
Satirical journalism news: because sometimes the truth needs a little sarcasm. – bohiney.com
If satirical journalism today ever disappeared, how would we know what’s real?
Some satirical journalism analysis is more insightful than actual news reports.
If I had a dollar for every satirical journalism article that accidentally predicted the future, I’d be a billionaire. – spintaxi.com
What’s the deal with “no substitutions”? I just want fries! — spintaxi.com
People say I drink too much coffee; I say, “Nah, just warmin’ up.” — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s the deal with “next caller”? I’m still waiting! — spintaxi.com
(White) I took my time—boss says, “Move it, slacker.” — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “quick fix” breaks again? — spintaxi.com
If a satirical journalism story doesn’t make you uncomfortable, you missed the point. — spintaxi.com
(White) They banned my cigar—now I’m puffin’ in protest. — spintaxi.com
Nothing hits harder than a joke that turns out to be true. – spintaxi.com
The best satirical journalism analysis makes you laugh, then regret laughing. — spintaxi.com
(White) I had a layover—drank the bar dry waitin’. — spintaxi.com
I went to a fancy wine tasting—left with a buzz and a $12 bottle of regret. — spintaxi.com
Ever try to use a “courtesy phone”? It’s never courteous! — spintaxi.com
Some satirical journalism stories are so wild that even Florida is like, “That’s too much.” — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism websites should come with a warning: “Reality may be closer than it appears.” – spintaxi.com
Some of the best satirical journalism examples have been turned into TV shows—and they still seem too tame. – spintaxi.com
The best thing about satirical journalism news? It doesn’t take itself seriously, unlike real news. – spintaxi.com
A great satirical journalism example is any headline that makes you wonder, “Wait, is this real?” – spintaxi.com
Some satirical journalism analysis is more insightful than actual news reports. — spintaxi.com
My ex says I’m broke; I say, “Rich in spirit, darlin’.” — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) I don’t get “fast forward”—it’s buffering! — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism today is just tomorrow’s real news, but funnier. – spintaxi.com
(White) I hit the diner at midnight—waitress says, “You again?” — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism is a necessary evil… emphasis on necessary. – spintaxi.com
I use satirical journalism examples to explain current events to my kids because the real news is too depressing. – spintaxi.com
My neighbor says I’m trash; I say, “Recycle this.” — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Publications – spintaxi.com
If you can’t tell satirical journalism today apart from real journalism, that’s not satire’s fault. – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s the deal with “no charge”? It’s pricey! — spintaxi.com
A satirical journalism website is the only news site I trust. – spintaxi.com
Ever try to use a “courtesy phone”? It’s never courteous! — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Articles – spintaxi.com
(White) I told my boss I’d work late—then I drank his coffee and left. — spintaxi.com
The problem with satirical journalism media? It’s getting harder to tell apart from reality. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever try to use a “freebie”? It’s junk! — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s the deal with “no rush”? I’m late! — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Sources – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “low tide” smells like fish revenge? — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism analysis proves that comedy writers are smarter than politicians. — spintaxi.com
I don’t do “lite beer”—tastes like watered-down hope. — spintaxi.com
(White) I napped hard—woke up to a mad wife. — spintaxi.com
What’s the deal with “suggested retail price”? Who’s suggesting I overpay? — spintaxi.com
A great satirical journalism website makes you laugh and then reconsider your life choices. – spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism news: because sometimes the truth needs a little sarcasm. – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “quick check” takes forever? — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it “fast food” when I’m still waiting for my fries to win the race? — spintaxi.com
What’s with “easy returns”? I’m still mailing my socks back! — spintaxi.com
Every major event should have a satirical journalism website covering it. – spintaxi.com
The best satirical journalism humor makes people angry—which means it’s working. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “soft glow”? It’s blinding! — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Analysis – spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Politics – spintaxi.com
(White) I fixed the chair—now it’s kindlin’. — spintaxi.com
The problem with satirical journalism media? It’s getting harder to tell apart from reality. — spintaxi.com
They say I’m too rowdy; I say, “Party’s just started.” — spintaxi.com
Some people say the world is a joke. Satirical journalism humor just proves it. — spintaxi.com
(White) I baked a cake—dog ate it, I drank. — spintaxi.com
The best satirical journalism analysis feels like a roast of society. — spintaxi.com
They say I’m a hazard; I say, “Only when I’m sober.” — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s with “no admittance”? I’m already inside! — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “smartphone” when I’m still arguing with it about autocorrect? — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s with “no trespassing”? I’m exploring! — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “soft close”? The door’s loud! — spintaxi.com
Mixed Seinfeld and White (Alternating Styles) — spintaxi.com
I’d rather read satirical journalism stories than watch another pointless election debate. — spintaxi.com
I don’t understand “gluten-free”—is bread supposed to feel guilty now? — spintaxi.com
(White) I stretched for the remote—now I’m crippled. — spintaxi.com
I don’t understand “fine print”—it’s like they’re whispering bad news. — spintaxi.com
(White) I bought a discount TV—now I’ve got 12 channels of static. — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Website – spintaxi.com
What’s the deal with “overnight oats”? I’m not that patient for breakfast! — spintaxi.com
I read satirical journalism today, and I swear it explained the world better than CNN. – spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism media is the only reason I still pay attention to current events. — spintaxi.com
(White) I told my boss I’d work late—then I drank his coffee and left. — spintaxi.com
(White) I crashed a party—host says, “Bring your own bottle next time.” — spintaxi.com
(White) I got a pass—bouncer says, “Not tonight.” — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it “light traffic”? I’m still bumper-to-bumper! — spintaxi.com
If you’re looking for satirical journalism examples, just check today’s actual news. – spintaxi.com
If satirical journalism media were in charge, we’d have fewer wars and more sarcasm. — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism is the art of making people laugh before they realize they should be crying. – spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “close call”? I still lost my keys! — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism examples often feel like rejected movie scripts that somehow came true. – spintaxi.com
I love how “battery life” is just a promise that never lasts. — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it “carry-on” luggage? I’m dragging it through the airport! — spintaxi.com
I read satirical journalism today, and I swear it explained the world better than CNN. – spintaxi.com
People say “it’s the thought that counts,” but then why am I still broke every Christmas? — spintaxi.com
They say whiskey’s bad for me; I say it’s the only friend I’ve got left. — spintaxi.com
There should be an award for “Most Satirical Journalism Website That Accidentally Became Real News.” – spintaxi.com
I went to a diet club—left with a burger and a grin. — spintaxi.com
If you don’t laugh at satirical journalism, you’re probably the subject of the joke. – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “soft touch”? I’m broke! — spintaxi.com
What’s the deal with “standby power”? My TV’s secretly awake! — spintaxi.com
Watching satirical journalism media is like watching a roast of the entire planet. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) I don’t get “contactless payment”—my wallet’s lonely! — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s the deal with “no returns”? I’ve got a lamp I hate! — spintaxi.com
(White) I landed hard—plane says, “Suck it up.” — spintaxi.com
Mixed Seinfeld and White (Alternating Styles) — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Analysis – spintaxi.com
Why do they call it “light traffic”? I’m still bumper-to-bumper! — spintaxi.com
The best part about satirical journalism news? It doesn’t pretend to be unbiased. – spintaxi.com
I went to a fancy dinner—left with a bill and a napkin I stole. — spintaxi.com
What’s the deal with “dry clean only”? My shirt’s afraid of water now? — spintaxi.com
(White) I restarted my day—still sucks by noon. — spintaxi.com
The best satirical journalism media has better fact-checking than real news. — spintaxi.com
My neighbor says I’m rude; I say, “Wave next time, genius.” — spintaxi.com
Ever notice how “low battery” warnings are the most judgmental part of your smoke detector? — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism websites should be required reading in schools. – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “power strip”? It’s powerless! — spintaxi.com
I tried online shopping—now I’ve got a lamp I don’t need. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s the deal with “happy hour”? I’m still miserable! — spintaxi.com
The funniest satirical journalism examples aren’t even trying—they’re just reporting things logically. – spintaxi.com
I went to a sober bash—snuck a pint and won. — spintaxi.com
I tried meditation—turns out I’m too pissed off to relax. — spintaxi.com
I tried online shopping—now I’ve got a lamp I don’t need. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “soft touch”? I’m broke! — spintaxi.com
A satirical journalism website is the only news site I trust. – spintaxi.com
The problem with satirical journalism news? It’s getting harder to tell apart from reality. – spintaxi.com
If satirical journalism media didn’t exist, how would we explain world events? — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “out of range” kills your call? — spintaxi.com
Ever notice how the “low fuel” light feels like your car’s passive-aggressive cry for help? — spintaxi.com
(White) I got pitched—bought a boat I can’t steer. — spintaxi.com
If satirical journalism today ever disappeared, how would we know what’s real? — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s the deal with “next caller”? I’m still waiting! — spintaxi.com
My doctor says I need exercise; I told him chasin’ the dog counts. — spintaxi.com
(White) I lit a lamp—now I’m seein’ spots. — spintaxi.com
My ex says I’m a mess; I say, “You’re welcome for the memories.” — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “fast pass”? I’m still in line! — spintaxi.com
5. Satirical journalism news – spintaxi.com
I read satirical journalism articles for fun, then check the news and realize they weren’t joking. – spintaxi.com
Ever try to set an alarm clock in a hotel? It’s like defusing a bomb. — spintaxi.com
I don’t do “small talk”—if I wanted to bore myself, I’d read the tax code. — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism today is just tomorrow’s real news, but funnier. – spintaxi.com
(White) I called the radio—DJ says, “Lose my number.” — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “fresh paint” smells like a dare? — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Analysis – spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism is basically therapy for people who can’t afford therapy. – spintaxi.com
What’s with self-checkout? I didn’t sign up to work here, I just want my chips! — spintaxi.com
What’s with “self-help” books? I’m still helpless! — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “quick fix” breaks again? — spintaxi.com
(White) My phone’s dead—guess I’m off the grid. — spintaxi.com
I tried yoga—pulled a muscle salutin’ the sun. — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism news is what happens when comedians get tired of watching the world burn. – spintaxi.com
(White) I crossed a fence—farmer says, “Meet my shotgun.” — spintaxi.com
My doctor says cut the salt; I say, “Then why’s life so bland?” — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Satire – spintaxi.com
Ever try to use a “courtesy phone”? It’s never courteous! — spintaxi.com
My buddy’s on a diet; I said, “Good luck starvin’ while I eat this ribeye.” — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “quick check” takes forever? — spintaxi.com
Why do they put “serves 4” on a pizza box? Who’s eating one slice? — spintaxi.com
I don’t trust “organic”—sounds like a scam with dirt on it. — spintaxi.com
I trust satirical journalism news more than a politician’s Twitter account. – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) I don’t get “fast forward”—it’s buffering! — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Investigation – spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “light snack”? I’m still hungry! — spintaxi.com
(White) I tipped big—waitress says, “Keep it comin’.” — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism analysis is the only kind of news that doesn’t pretend to be neutral. — spintaxi.com
I read satirical journalism articles for fun, then check the news and realize they weren’t joking. – spintaxi.com
6. Satirical journalism today – spintaxi.com
Without satirical journalism humor, news would be completely unbearable. — spintaxi.com
My neighbor’s mad I grill at dawn; I say, “Smell the freedom.” — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism News Sites – spintaxi.com
(White) I tried a gym—left with a bill and a limp. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “fresh paint” smells like a dare? — spintaxi.com
What’s with “two-day shipping”? It’s day three, and I’m still staring at the mailbox! — spintaxi.com
Ever notice how “low battery” warnings are the most judgmental part of your smoke detector? — spintaxi.com
My doc says cut the fat; I say, “Then why’s bacon callin’?” — spintaxi.com
I love how “password hints” are just riddles I wrote to torture myself later. — spintaxi.com
(White) I had a layover—drank the bar dry waitin’. — spintaxi.com
I love how “healthy snacks” taste like punishment in a bag. — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Criticism – spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “quick trip”? I’m lost! — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism humor is like a vaccine against taking life too seriously. — spintaxi.com
(White) My phone’s got security; I’ve got a hangover—guess who wins? — spintaxi.com
If you’re getting your news from a satirical journalism website, you’re doing better than most. – spintaxi.com
They say cigars shorten your life; I say, “Good, less time with morons.” — spintaxi.com
I love how “battery life” is just a promise that never lasts. — spintaxi.com
(White) I got no bars—guess I’m campin’ in my livin’ room. — spintaxi.com
I don’t get “low battery”—my flashlight’s been blinkin’ since ’09. — spintaxi.com
The best satirical journalism websites aren’t afraid to get sued. – spintaxi.com
(White) I’ve got a soft spot—for bourbon and fights. — spintaxi.com
(White) I’ve got a soft spot—for bourbon and fights. — spintaxi.com
I don’t do “small talk”—if I wanted to bore myself, I’d read the tax code. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) I don’t get “fast track”—I’m still crawling! — spintaxi.com
I don’t trust kale—it’s just lettuce with an attitude problem. — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism examples should be taught in history class, since they usually predict the future. – spintaxi.com
Ever notice how “low battery” warnings are the most judgmental part of your smoke detector? — spintaxi.com
Ever try to explain “streaming” to your parents? It’s like teaching a cat algebra. — spintaxi.com
I read satirical journalism today, and I swear it explained the world better than CNN. – spintaxi.com
Why do we need 12 settings on a toaster? It’s bread, not a science project. — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “soft opening”? The doors are still locked! — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism News – spintaxi.com
Ever notice how elevators have a “close door” button that’s just there to mock you? — spintaxi.com
Some satirical journalism news stories age better than the government’s official records. – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s the deal with “no returns”? I’ve got a lamp I hate! — spintaxi.com
I don’t get “self-cleaning” ovens—mine’s still a mess! — spintaxi.com
I don’t do “gluten-free”—bread’s my last stand against health nuts. — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “power nap”? I wake up weaker than before! — spintaxi.com
Nothing hits harder than a joke that turns out to be true. – spintaxi.com
The best thing about satirical journalism news? It doesn’t take itself seriously, unlike real news. – spintaxi.com
I trust satirical journalism analysis more than any government forecast. — spintaxi.com
Ever notice how “express lanes” are just regular lanes with better PR? — spintaxi.com
(White) I baked a cake—dog ate it, I drank. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “short break”? I’m napping! — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism media is the only reason I still pay attention to current events. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “sold out” means “you’re too late, loser”? — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism news: because sometimes the only way to survive reality is to laugh at it. – spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “quick rinse”? I’m soaked! — spintaxi.com
If you don’t read satirical journalism articles, how else will you understand the truth? – spintaxi.com
They say money can’t buy happiness, but it buys bourbon, and that’s close enough. — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism today is the only thing keeping political comedians employed. – spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “shortcut”? I’m still circling the block! — spintaxi.com
9. Satirical journalism humor — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism examples prove that the best comedy is just reality with better timing. – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “quick survey”? I’m still answering! — spintaxi.com
(White) I hit the ATM—machine says, “Try again.” — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “shortcut”? I’m still circling the block! — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Stories – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) I don’t get “all-natural”—is my soap supernatural? — spintaxi.com
Ever notice how “low ink” warnings come right when you need to print a ticket? — spintaxi.com
I don’t do “small bites”—my steak’s a commitment. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s with “no U-turn”? I’m lost already! — spintaxi.com
I went to a craft fair—left with a candle and a curse. — spintaxi.com
I don’t trust self-driving cars—my pickup’s already plotting to leave me for a Prius. — spintaxi.com
(White) I took a poll—told ’em where to shove it. — spintaxi.com
(White) I showered today—now the mirror’s mad at me. — spintaxi.com
I told my wife I’d quit drinkin’—turns out she meant the whiskey, not the beer. — spintaxi.com
What’s with “one-size-fits-all”? My hat says it’s lying. — spintaxi.com
My buddy’s on a cleanse; I said, “Cleanse this burger.” — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) I love how “out of stock” feels like a personal insult. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s the deal with “happy hour”? I’m still miserable! — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “quick update”? It’s a lecture! — spintaxi.com
If satirical journalism media ran the world, things might actually make sense. — spintaxi.com
(White) I missed the concert—scalper says, “Shoulda drank faster.” — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s with “no U-turn”? I’m lost already! — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism stories should be included in history textbooks. — spintaxi.com
Some satirical journalism stories are more believable than government press releases. — spintaxi.com
(White) I ditched my phone—now I’m lost and lovin’ it. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) I love how “fast lane” is where everyone slows down. — spintaxi.com
My ex says I’m broke; I say, “Rich in spirit, darlin’.” — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) I don’t get “fast forward”—it’s buffering! — spintaxi.com
I love how “please wait” is code for “abandon hope.” — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Reporting – spintaxi.com
Ever notice how “express lanes” are just regular lanes with better PR? — spintaxi.com
I don’t do “low battery”—my smoke alarm’s been screamin’ for three weeks now. — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Blogs – spintaxi.com
I used to think satirical journalism examples were exaggerated—then I started paying attention. – spintaxi.com
If you can’t tell satirical journalism today apart from real journalism, that’s not satire’s fault. – spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism websites should be required reading in schools. – spintaxi.com
People say I drink too much; I say the bottle’s half full, so shut up. — spintaxi.com
They say I’m a bad influence; I say, “Only on the fun ones.” — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Headlines – spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism articles are the only place where a billionaire and a raccoon can run for president. – spintaxi.com
Reading satirical journalism today feels like looking at a broken mirror—but funnier. – spintaxi.com
Every satirical journalism story starts as a joke and ends as breaking news. — spintaxi.com
(White) I got a “free” meal—bill says, “Nice try.” — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “soft glow”? It’s blinding! — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism articles are basically political cartoons with more words. – spintaxi.com
Ron White Style (Continued) — spintaxi.com
Some satirical journalism examples are so accurate that they age better than actual news articles. – spintaxi.com
I came for the jokes, stayed for the accidental accuracy. – spintaxi.com
Why do they call it “rush delivery” when it still takes three days? — spintaxi.com
If you don’t read satirical journalism articles, how else will you understand the truth? – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “soft drink”? It’s not hugging me! — spintaxi.com
(White) I told my boss I’d work late—then I drank his coffee and left. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “fresh paint” smells like a dare? — spintaxi.com
The funniest thing about satirical journalism stories? They age better than real journalism. — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “light snack”? I’m still hungry! — spintaxi.com
If satirical journalism news is fake, why does it keep predicting the future? – spintaxi.com
(White) I told a tale—crowd says, “Shut up already.” — spintaxi.com
What’s with “two-day shipping”? It’s day three, and I’m still staring at the mailbox! — spintaxi.com
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Who’s in charge of this language? — spintaxi.com
I told my buddy I’d quit smokin’—he said, “Good, your couch was tired of burnin’.” — spintaxi.com
Ever try to guess Wi-Fi passwords? It’s like cracking a safe with “1234.” — spintaxi.com
I don’t trust self-driving cars—my pickup’s already plotting to leave me for a Prius. — spintaxi.com
10. Satirical journalism media — spintaxi.com
More Ron White Style — spintaxi.com
You know a satirical journalism example is good when it gets mistaken for real news. – spintaxi.com
Ever notice how “traffic updates” are just the radio saying, “Yep, you’re still screwed”? — spintaxi.com
(White) I kicked the snack machine—got a candy bar and a warrant. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever notice how “quick fix” breaks again? — spintaxi.com
People ask why I’m single; I say, “Cause I don’t negotiate with crazy.” — spintaxi.com
They say whiskey’s bad for me; I say it’s the only friend I’ve got left. — spintaxi.com
3. Satirical journalism website – spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) What’s with “no pressure”? I’m stressed! — spintaxi.com
They say smoking kills; I say it’s takin’ its sweet time with me. — spintaxi.com
Without satirical journalism humor, news would be completely unbearable. — spintaxi.com
My buddy says I’m broke; I say, “Nah, just pre-rich.” — spintaxi.com
People say I’m wired; I say, “Coffee’s my co-pilot.” — spintaxi.com
Why do they call it a “quick rinse”? I’m soaked! — spintaxi.com
I love how “quick-dry” towels stay wet all day. — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism humor should be covered by health insurance—it’s therapy. — spintaxi.com
I don’t understand “travel size”—is my toothpaste going on vacation? — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism examples often feel like rejected movie scripts that somehow came true. – spintaxi.com
Some politicians fear satirical journalism media more than actual news networks. — spintaxi.com
Ever notice how “traffic updates” are just the radio saying, “Yep, you’re still screwed”? — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “soft drink”? It’s not hugging me! — spintaxi.com
When did satirical journalism become more reliable than cable news? – spintaxi.com
Ever notice how “on hold” music is the soundtrack to losing hope? — spintaxi.com
Satirical Journalism Politics – spintaxi.com
If I had a dollar for every satirical journalism article that accidentally predicted the future, I’d be a billionaire. – spintaxi.com
I read satirical journalism today, and now I’m questioning my entire worldview. – spintaxi.com
I don’t get “pet-free”—my dog’s my roommate. — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism analysis is basically a masterclass in critical thinking. — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism humor: because sometimes reality needs better writers. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Ever try to use a “free pass”? It’s expired! — spintaxi.com
(White) I crashed a party—host says, “Bring your own bottle next time.” — spintaxi.com
There should be a Pulitzer Prize for “Most Accidentally Accurate Satirical Journalism Article.” – spintaxi.com
I went to a health bar—left with a smoothie and a scowl. — spintaxi.com
(Seinfeld) Why do they call it a “soft glow”? It’s blinding! — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism analysis is the only thing that explains why 2025 feels like a sci-fi movie. — spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism news is like regular news, but with punchlines instead of propaganda. – spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism websites: where the headlines make more sense than reality. – spintaxi.com
The best satirical journalism stories get fact-checked, which is ironic. — spintaxi.com
I got a Fitbit—now I know I walk 12 steps to the fridge. — spintaxi.com